I'm sure all of you have heard of the paleo diet, which basically just means that you only eat meat, fruit and vegetables. I first tried the paleo diet when I returned from France last year and it actually worked out pretty well. I ended up losing 3 pounds in a week and all I did for exercise was watch Netflix (my father would be so proud). It was relatively easy to cut out carbs the first time around because I was completely sick of bread after spending four months in France. Bread was the enemy.
Every other time since then, I've failed miserably.
But now I've decided to try eating paleo again, because my eating habits have been pretty unhealthy as of late. Last weekend I only ate fast food. How is that even possible. The worst part was that it didn't even phase me. Which is a sure sign that I need to cool it and start eating better. So I'm going paleo. And I'm going to write about my struggles here.
6:58 AM- "Oh crap I forgot to eat breakfast, but I can't eat honey nut Cheerios at work like I normally do. I'll just grab this frozen broccoli souffle. The zucchini one is delicious. I can do this! I can eat paleo. Woo! Great pep talk."
8:06 AM- "This souffle is a little too salty and it smells weird. Why is this so salty? Oh my god. Ok, I think I'll be fine if I only eat half of this 140 calories souffle. I should be able to make it until lunch. Also, I'm never eating broccoli again."
9:30 AM- "Well apparently a 70 calorie breakfast is not good for keeping hunger in check. Good to know. I'll just eat some mixed nuts. God, why are almonds so gross. I thought I liked almonds but these taste exceptionally terrible."
10:32 AM- "I just turned down a cookie, oh my god, I'm so good at this paleo thing. I'm basically a caveman. I'm so proud of myself. This is great."
12:17 PM- "Wow, paleo options are severely limited at restaurants. Ugh, I really don't want a salad. Especially one with sunflower sprouts. What even are sunflower sprouts? I bet those are paleo. Maybe I should just get this salad. Oh god, nope, can't do it. Pot roast it is, but I won't eat the potatoes. That's close enough, right? Wait- is everyone else ordering beer? NO BEER FOR MELANIE."
2:27 PM- "Ok, time for dessert. I will eat this Ghiradelli dark chocolate square and it will satiate all of my sugar cravings."
5:14 PM- "I can literally smell chips and salsa down the hall. Tortilla chips aren't the worst kind of carbs, right? Chips and salsa is a relatively healthy snack. Nope, I can't. I have more will power than this. Come on Melanie, you can do this. PALEO."
7:08 PM- "I am so hungry I think I might throw up. I need something before my Jimmy John's lettuce wrap appears. These black olives will do. Go paleo."
*eats lettuce wrap in record time*
7:36 PM- "It's fine if I have a few peanut butter m&m's, right? I know they're not technically paleo, but they aren't technically carbs either, so as long as I eliminate carbs I'll consider this a successful day. But I'm only going to have five m&m's."
7:41 PM- "Ok, what's five more m&m's?"
7:44 PM- "Screw it, I'm eating a handful of m&m's. I've had so few calories today, my body needs these."
7:46 PM- "God damn it."
We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
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